hotchook
June 23rd, 2004, 10:44 PM
Here are some weird laws from Arkansas. As some people describe it as a "redneck" state, so I have written it in such a fashion.
Thar is some laws on Arkansas books thet seem so useless thet yo' hafta wonner about th' varmints thet wrote them, dawgone it. Some of yo' probably bust th' law ev'ry day! Fry mah hide! Please note thet some of these is old laws thet is no longer valid an' menny haf not been cornfirmed as bein' true laws. It's jest fo' fun, as enny fool kin plainly see. One law thet'd haf came in han'y in November is th' law thet states, "No varmint shall be permitted unner enny pretext t'come nearer then fif'y feet of enny dore o' window of enny pollin' room fum th' openin' of th' polls until th' certificashun of th' returns." Eff'n only Flo'ida had laws like Arkansas, th' eleckshun mess'd haf been solved easily! Fry mah hide! Recount th' votes? Fiddlesticks, jest throw them all out. They were all illegal votes! Some Arkansas laws is unenfo'ceable an' redundant. One of them states thet th' Arkansas Rivah kin rise no higher than th' Main Street bridge in Li'l Rock. Shet mah mouth! ah guess we is supposed t'arress th' rivah fo' disobeyin'? How does a rivah pay a fine? It's illegal t'kill enny "livin' creature" in Fayetteville. Howevah killin' inanimate objecks is puffickly okay. So hoof it out thar an' kill yo'seff a mailbox! Fry mah hide! Don't git too happy about yer noo foun' freedom, dawgone it. Yo' might be excited inough t'honk yer car ho'n, as enny fool kin plainly see. Jest watch out when an' whar yo' does it. It is illegal fo' a varmint t'soun' th' ho'n on a vehicle at enny place whar cold six packs o' san'wiches is sarved af'er 9:00 P.M. Jest be sho'nuff t'kill a mailbox in a residential area. Mah favo'ite law is one designed t'git No'therners into trouble. Thet's right folks, eff'n yo' mispronounce Arkansas (Ar-kan-sar) yer in fo' a fine o' jail time. Jest be sho'nuff not t'flirt wif them No'therners as yo' tell them they is bustin' th' law. In Li'l Rock, flirtashun between min an' wimmen on th' streets may result in a 30-day jail term, dawgone it. Yo' might git t'share a cozy cell togither! Fry mah hide! Be careful! Don't git extremely cozy in thet cell, ah reckon. Oral sex is cornsidered sodomah in Arkansas an' is punishable. Animals in Arkansas git th' weirdess laws. Eff'n yo' live in Arkansas, yo' may not keep an alligato' in yer bathtub. Well bust mah britches an' call me streaker. ah guess lawmakers sar th' movie Alligato' once too offen. Houn'dog ownys in Li'l Rock beware! Eff'n yer houn'dog barks af'er 6 PM yo' kin be fined! Fry mah hide! Th' houn'dog kin be impoun'ed, cuss it all t' tarnation. Houn'dog ownys sh'd take heed too. Bessie may need her exercise but even cows desarve Sunday's off. It's unlawful t'walk yer houn'dog af'er 1:00 on Sundays. Wimmen is also a popular subjeck fo' laws. Some old Arkansas laws is archaic. Thar is a law thet states female o' th' opposite sex skoo marms who bob their hair kinnot be given a raise. Even mo'e degradin' is an old law thet states a man kin beat his wife in Li'l Rock provided he does it wif a stick no mo' trimenjus than 3 inches acrost an' not mo'e than once a month. Arkansas may seem like redneck state but at least we is not Tennessee. In Tennessee it is legal t'gather an' cornsoom road kill an' it is illegal fo' someone pullin' up t'a stop sign t'refuse t'fire a gun outta th' window. Residents of Nooark, Noo Jersey does this wifout a law. They sh'd move t'Tennessee!
Thar is some laws on Arkansas books thet seem so useless thet yo' hafta wonner about th' varmints thet wrote them, dawgone it. Some of yo' probably bust th' law ev'ry day! Fry mah hide! Please note thet some of these is old laws thet is no longer valid an' menny haf not been cornfirmed as bein' true laws. It's jest fo' fun, as enny fool kin plainly see. One law thet'd haf came in han'y in November is th' law thet states, "No varmint shall be permitted unner enny pretext t'come nearer then fif'y feet of enny dore o' window of enny pollin' room fum th' openin' of th' polls until th' certificashun of th' returns." Eff'n only Flo'ida had laws like Arkansas, th' eleckshun mess'd haf been solved easily! Fry mah hide! Recount th' votes? Fiddlesticks, jest throw them all out. They were all illegal votes! Some Arkansas laws is unenfo'ceable an' redundant. One of them states thet th' Arkansas Rivah kin rise no higher than th' Main Street bridge in Li'l Rock. Shet mah mouth! ah guess we is supposed t'arress th' rivah fo' disobeyin'? How does a rivah pay a fine? It's illegal t'kill enny "livin' creature" in Fayetteville. Howevah killin' inanimate objecks is puffickly okay. So hoof it out thar an' kill yo'seff a mailbox! Fry mah hide! Don't git too happy about yer noo foun' freedom, dawgone it. Yo' might be excited inough t'honk yer car ho'n, as enny fool kin plainly see. Jest watch out when an' whar yo' does it. It is illegal fo' a varmint t'soun' th' ho'n on a vehicle at enny place whar cold six packs o' san'wiches is sarved af'er 9:00 P.M. Jest be sho'nuff t'kill a mailbox in a residential area. Mah favo'ite law is one designed t'git No'therners into trouble. Thet's right folks, eff'n yo' mispronounce Arkansas (Ar-kan-sar) yer in fo' a fine o' jail time. Jest be sho'nuff not t'flirt wif them No'therners as yo' tell them they is bustin' th' law. In Li'l Rock, flirtashun between min an' wimmen on th' streets may result in a 30-day jail term, dawgone it. Yo' might git t'share a cozy cell togither! Fry mah hide! Be careful! Don't git extremely cozy in thet cell, ah reckon. Oral sex is cornsidered sodomah in Arkansas an' is punishable. Animals in Arkansas git th' weirdess laws. Eff'n yo' live in Arkansas, yo' may not keep an alligato' in yer bathtub. Well bust mah britches an' call me streaker. ah guess lawmakers sar th' movie Alligato' once too offen. Houn'dog ownys in Li'l Rock beware! Eff'n yer houn'dog barks af'er 6 PM yo' kin be fined! Fry mah hide! Th' houn'dog kin be impoun'ed, cuss it all t' tarnation. Houn'dog ownys sh'd take heed too. Bessie may need her exercise but even cows desarve Sunday's off. It's unlawful t'walk yer houn'dog af'er 1:00 on Sundays. Wimmen is also a popular subjeck fo' laws. Some old Arkansas laws is archaic. Thar is a law thet states female o' th' opposite sex skoo marms who bob their hair kinnot be given a raise. Even mo'e degradin' is an old law thet states a man kin beat his wife in Li'l Rock provided he does it wif a stick no mo' trimenjus than 3 inches acrost an' not mo'e than once a month. Arkansas may seem like redneck state but at least we is not Tennessee. In Tennessee it is legal t'gather an' cornsoom road kill an' it is illegal fo' someone pullin' up t'a stop sign t'refuse t'fire a gun outta th' window. Residents of Nooark, Noo Jersey does this wifout a law. They sh'd move t'Tennessee!